I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
