I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
