My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
