i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
