I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
