1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
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