Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I wish you could order shots online.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
