Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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