There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
