I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
