why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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