On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
