I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
