i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
