So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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