So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
