just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
