I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
