Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
