what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Why can't burritos get me drunk
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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