I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
