Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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