I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
She told me I should be a condom model.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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