i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
