dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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