we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
