What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
