One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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