You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
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Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
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Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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