A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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