I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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