This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
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SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
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at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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