I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
