I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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