I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
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When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
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How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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