We're facebook friends in real life
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
