Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
