Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
you had me at cake vodka
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I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
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Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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