I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
