You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
So many bounce houses so little time
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
