yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
