You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
The struggles of a small town man whore
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
