I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
