Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
