i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Dick very happy bro
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
