I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
