You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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