margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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