i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
3pm strippers are depressing
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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