well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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