Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
