Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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