Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
