Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
