My hand turned me down
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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