no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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