belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
