This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
