When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
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