There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
