he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
