Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
