She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
