she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
