I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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