I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
accomplished twins. life is a go
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
